Intentional and Unintentional Messaging: How Important Are Special Efforts to Make Your Kids Feel Loved?
Growing up, I remember loving Valentine’s Day because I would come downstairs to a Valentine’ Day basket my mom had prepared with a few of my favorite things and a festive Valentine’s Day shirt or accessory. I would go to school with my new shirt on, feeling special, loved and most importantly to my little self, cute. My mom was helping to create the start of a good day for me and form cherished memories. Carrying on this tradition for my own family was something that was very important to me. I viewed this small gesture as something that made a lasting positive impact.
“Children are like human blackboards, standing in front of you with personal blackboards that say, “Write what you think of me.” This reality has the potential of being very powerful or very counterproductive.”
As often as possible, parents need to convey messages to their children that they are loved and valued. Dr. James MacArthur, author of The Functional Family, talks about the concept of children as “human blackboards.” Parents are constantly writing messages on these blackboards that will stick and help them develop a self concept. These messages can be both intentionally and unintentionally written through words and actions of parents. For example: ignoring a child who wants to play with you can convey, “you are not very important” or “I do not have time for you.” It may not be the intended message, but that is most likely how it will be received. The occasional too busy or impatient message is unlikely to leave a negative message, especially when counteracted with many intentional positive messages. Be thoughtful about what positive messaging you would like to intentionally write on your child’s blackboard. These messages can be “written” in many different ways. The point is to help meet your child’d basic needs to feel significant, important, worthwhile, and valuable.
So, what are some ways to do this?
Consciously taking time to play games with your children tells them, “ You are fun. I like to spend time with you.”
Establishing a rule of saying “I love you” before you leave the home or hang up the phone sends a powerful message that no matter what, they are loved.
Making and keeping plans for a special weekly family night conveys to your children that they are a priority.
Leaving positive notes in your children’s lunch boxes telling them how much you love and miss them.
Celebrating your child’s efforts and accomplishments. This may mean putting your child’s report card on the refrigerator or making a supportive poster for a child’s sports game.
Placing photos of your children all around the house. This tells them they are special and valued and that they “belong here.”
Specifically for Valentines Day
Love Letter Mailbox - As a family, decorate or pick out a Love Letter Mailbox. This mailbox can sit in a family gathering space for family members to write and “mail” love letters to one another. Everyone can check the mailbox to find letters to them from Valentines throughout the month.
We Love You Sign - Make a sign from a poster board, chalkboard, cork board, or grease board that says, “We love _____ .” Take turns filling in that blank with members of the family and with sticky notes, chalk, or dry erase markers, have each family member contribute a reason why they love that person. This can be done leading up to Valentines Day or continue the whole month of February.
Valentines Day Basket - Gather a few of you child’s favorite things and add them to a basket for them to wake up to Valentine’s Day morning. This basket can be filled with many different items, but the idea is to create something that reflects your attention to them and the message that they are loved and worth making special efforts for.
All of these gestures are simple ideas to help your family members feel loved and make memories together. By doing them, you are instilling positive messages that won’t be erased.
Below are links to some ideas for filling a Valentine’s Day basket.
XOXO
The Hygge House
